midnight.fever

Friday, November 07, 2008

i've been thinking a lil bout what i'll do with music.
thoughts too complex to be written here.

having this feeling of doubt, whether i should write them out here, simply cos its my blog.
but then again, its hard to, with the easy access for people to view ur "online diary"

argh heck.
just thinking of whether i should continue being in this "band" that im in now.
having this gradual decrease in interest in this aspect.
though i know i shouldnt. and i've been trying to get the interest back here.
alot of reasons to continue, and also reasons not to. heh.
but i think i'll be letting the peeps down with a "no" eh.
bloody shit. complicated world it is.

do u ever have a thought that no1 can ever really express their true selves in this world?
well obviously i do. and i think the only true way left is thru music expression.
own compositions and tunes, expressing thoughts on certain issues. thats nice.
but, it cant really be shared and enjoyed does it? every1 has diff thoughts.
and sharing ur compositions sometimes one would feel uneasy cos it might generate teases about some odd or cheesy lines?
at least thats how i'd feel. not as if i can write proper songs anyway.
but i'd like to.

thats where i think christian music comes in.
where one would not care bout laughter cos of the lyrics u composed, or dislike for the song.
cos this is where all of the songs are centred into 1 aspect, God himself.
yeah, i dun expect any1 to read this because probably, some of us would laugh at me
having such weird thoughts. maybe thats why i keep thinking im less of what people are.
how they enjoy doing things i have a lesser interest for. these are just observations,
not negative remarks. i think i have a feel for music, and i think it is a gift that i should utilise.
not for fame nor popularity, but for God, as it is a gift from him.
but what i've been doing so far for music has no God-centered elements in it.
its like so called "popularity", cause ppl know u can play a little music with the guitar.

i dno. its more of self-doubt rather than dislike for the complexity of it all.
its no longer a pure and original world, ain't it.
hah.

yeah. feels kinda nice just pouring a lil of my mind out.
studies for a couple of days more.
it feels funny, how it seemed like days ago where we're all panicky bout the start of O's.
and now, its ending in a few days time. heh.

and we'll all leave peirce, most of us letting go of the friends and just hold on to the close ones.
i have a couple of them. just a handful.
i think one can really observe whether a person would truely care in adversities.
or those that will follow the trends of this world and probably forget you eventually.
i make myself sound so wise. tsk.
but i think i have many internal thoughts that most do not. and i really wonder why.
i think thats why im more reserved. weird me.

hmm. one thing i really learnt from the 4 years: only truely rely on yourself.
thats what i think at least.

ciao~

latetimes.

@5:36 pm