midnight.fever

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

so im kinda puzzled.

what do u do when you have an alchoholic dad
who can drink till he's dumb and talks cock.
constantly neglects house bills and only complains
bout lack of money when this prob of insufficient money
is caused by your own decision not to go out and earn some freaking cash.

get out of the freaking beer and wayward friends and maybe have the brains to take the initiative to earn money.
im still trying to hold myself back from talking out against this stupid issue
i think im reachin my limit soon.
stupid actions by 1 person in the family can cause so much tension within.
i think this is not what a father should do.
let alone the sole breadwinner.
many years, we (esp mum) has tolerated this stupid habit.
you got sick, felt like fainting all of a sudden and had hospital visits cause of that.
in ur fifties, cant stop smoking, and still wants to spend ur earnings in beer
what can i say. wow.
sometimes walking out on this issue sounds good when all else fails.
temporary help by my mum to you can only last that long.
no1 can help you unless u help urself.

when u go to the freakin hospital, who pays the bills. not you.
the probs leadin to hospital visits are caused by u. yet we pay for it.
i can forsee a day soon where u just collapse ourside.
im being straight here because this is the true possible reality if u continue ur shit habits.
then when that day comes, all of us will have to suffer emotionally and financially again.

i dont know whether its stress or not.
whatever it is, u can talk it out calmly somewhere.
not by drinking or smoking. its pure dumb-ness.
its not stress on ur part.
its a freaking bad habit since my primary school days.
i know that because i still have certain vividly fearful memories etched in my head.
how u caused fear in all of us.

i ponder whether this is a blessing for God.
wanting me to know the realities of being stupid in adulthood.
i think this is a lesson for me.
a lesson where i know someday my dad would pay for.
i hope nothing bad ever happens but somehow i think u need something bad for u to learn.
by then, would it be too late?

yeah. how nice.
no sense of discipline and initiative on your part.
this hits us quite badly too.
just that no1 knows.

thankfully i have this blog to vent frustrations.
if not this would be spilled out somewhere else or kept bottled in me

ciao.

latetimes.

@7:54 pm